Fall Moments

I think we could all agree that life is busy. It rings true of my life every.single.day. I am constantly reminding myself of what my priorities need to be and what is really important in this life. I am desperately trying to come to a balance in my life that can be sustained, I do not want to look back and realized I missed what was important because I was too busy. To name all the great times we had this fall would take forever, we have been blessed week by week through friendships, each other, growing in Christ and so much more. That being said, here are some of my favorite moments that I photographed.  

     1. Aiden's Birthday.    

    2. Beautiful warm fall weather!

   3. Hot chocolate together with Aiden. He loves-loves-loves it of course!

    

    3. Gavin crawling- complete with all the joys and extra awareness that comes with it!

    4. My family coming for visits and looking forward to more family visiting in the next month!

    5. Some self portraits taken by none other than my son, Aiden. He LOVED to push the button and
    would say "look I did it mom" when he saw the picture on the screen.

I hope you enjoyed your fall. Now it's time to gear up for Winter - yikes!

Lights Out

Last night I went grocery shopping with Aiden and when we came back the power was randomly out on our block. With Dan's help we carried all the groceries in the house. It was then Aiden's bedtime and it was his first lights out experience so it actually was really fun. He kept making us laugh and had fun with the flashlights.

At first I was kind of annoyed with the whole no power thing because I had a good amount of normal house maintenance I was planning on doing. But when it wasn't an option I decided to embrace the moment and actually got excited about the possibilities. I got my books and decided to do some quick dishes by candlelight. Then the lights came back on and I found myself being disappointed. In that 25 minutes or so I experienced a freedom. A weight off my shoulders. I didn't feel the pressure of the never ending to do list or that my living room was covered in toys. So, even though the power turned on I decided to go on with my original plan. But unfortunately the "freedom" I had felt was gone, the list and the possibilities were back and immediately a temptation to just veg and be entertained. But I just sat down with my Bible study book and notebooks by candlelight. It was kind of hard to see, haha, but it was good. It was good for my soul, it was refreshing. When I was done I was tired, so I stood up, left all my stuff there and went to bed. Didn't turn on a light and fully embraced the peace in my heart.

I know that life is busy, work, ministry & kids make you busy and then there is the never ending to do list. But though I may accomplish a lot, am I better for it? Or does it have a negative effect on me and those around me?

My encouragement to you is to take time for your soul, be refreshed in God, have a no power evening and sometimes go to bed early! You will be better for it.   

Mommy Wars :: Who Am I?

Lately I've been growing and understanding more about motherhood and what it means to me, so these ideas are a couple of posts in the making but today I want to quickly mention the "mommy wars". Maybe it's me, but I feel like it's everywhere or more likely the ideas of not falling into the traps of the "mommy wars". I follow a few Mom blogs and may receive anywhere from 1-3 emails a day concerning motherhood. Many times those emails have been just what I needed that day, but lately I feel like "ahhh, I do not want to read anything else about motherhood". lol. 

Many of the articles I read try to encourage us not to fall into the lies of comparing or trying to be it all. And that's where I want to start today. One article pointed out how we try to be different people, we see "fashionable mom" in the store and try to be more like her for a week, then we see "organic mom" so we try to be like her, then "fit mom", "crafty mom", "awesome-cook mom"...etc. And we end up just discouraged because we try to be all 10 different types of people at the same time. It just doesn't work. 

My problem probably comes from myself, that I set expectations on myself that nobody else does based on all these ideas that swirl around in my head. 

I know this of course doesn't apply to just moms, but people in general and I think it stems from an insecurity of who we are. Not finding our identity in Jesus, His love & who HE made us to be. And then as a result being that person to the best of our ability and using our gifts to serve God and love our husbands, children and others.

So, I decided to share with you some of WHO I AM (I'm going to focus more on the areas of the home since that's where I am 90% of my life):

• I am thankful I get to be a stay-at-home-mom and do not take it for granted.
• I would love for my house to look like something out of Pottery Barn (wouldn't we all)! Decorating is somewhat of a challenge for my non-abstract mind and non-crafty self, but I love a finished product I am happy with.
• I love a clean and picked up house.
• I love eating good food, but I do not like spending an hour cooking, eating for 10 min and then 30 minutes cleaning up- not worth it. So I prefer to stick to simple but tasty dinners.
• I try at least one new recipe every week, sometimes more. Which is sometimes to Dan and I's regret. lol. But I can't help myself, the pictures always look so yummy!
• I am not a health-nut, but I do provide balanced meals for my family.
• I bake a lot!
• I am a hard worker. Something I got from my mom and I am very thankful for! Thank you mom!
• I am passionate about photography!! Obviously! That is my main interest after all the other things being a mom includes. I love the way I feel after I capture an image that is beautiful. It is an art form and it pumps up my creative juices.
• I am a believer in Babywise and schedules for infants.
• I think my day-to-day life would be easier if I actually followed the routine I have for me and the kids. Next month. :) 
• My kids go to bed around 8:15 or earlier. 
• When things get hard, my tendency is to give up.
• I love sweets way more than is good for me. :)
• My concern for my general appearance, clothes & exercise has diminished as I've had kids because who has the time and money for that. lol.
• I can be very task-orientated and selfish in my heart. (which is it's own post coming soon)
• I make some of my own baby food to save money; not because I think store food is bad.
• I can almost 100% guarantee I will never have a garden in my lifetime although I would love the result of one. haha.
• I never care to learn to sew, but I appreciate immensely the people in my life who do & have used their gift to be a blessing to me!
• I am not a good sleeper.
• I love going through boxes, re-organizing and am very good at throwing things out!! 
• I feel like I am the queen of "special things" haha. Ask Dan, he'll tell you it's true. Every time we go out or do something fun I always want to add it to it by getting a "special drink", "special toy", "special outfit" or "special treat"...etc. It's a good thing I don't or we would have no money and our kids would be spoiled rotten. 
• Dates are very important to me, like birthdays, holidays...etc. Even we celebrate on a different day, the day itself needs to be something special!
• Both of my kids have a special song I sing to them before they go to sleep.
• My perfect weather is sunny and 70 degrees.
• I am entirely thankful for all the amazing friends and family God has put in my life! They keep me sane and help me not get lost in my own world.

Obviously this it not extensive and doesn't touch all my sin problems. We all have sin that we must deal with, and that is where Jesus is the answer! So thankful for Jesus dying on the cross and taking the punishment for me so that I can have forgiveness and right standing with God.

My loves :)

God made me and God made you!! I would encourage you to sit down and write out who you are! Let's celebrate in who God has made us to be.

Pre Mid-Life Crisis

So last night as I was not sleeping I was thinking. Dan had asked me to think of where I would like to be in five years, so I was thinking about that and I realized some things. First of all, I will be 31- almost 32, Aiden will be 7, Gavin will be 5 and we hope to have another child, although we don't know what God has planned for us. :) When I think 5 years, it doesn't seem too far away or like much will be different, but oh my goodness so much will change from now till then. So I had a mini-freak out moment, like "I don't know how to have a 7 year old, can't life stop for sometime so I can catch my breath".

There is so much that Dan and I would like to accomplish in this life, but sometimes I feel like it takes all my strength to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies. So how in the world do I handle it all? I obviously don't have all the answers, but when I take the time to think about it I always come up with the same answer. God and people. A while ago Dan and I were talking about what we would be sad about if we were to leave this life early and every single one of my answers centered around one thing: people. Dan, the boys, my family & friends. I would be sad that I would miss out on life with them. So I want to live that way now. 

There is no greater gift that we could give our boys then to walk closely with Jesus. We could be dirt poor, never get to do anything fun and we could still live an amazing life as we walked with Jesus and showed them how to love and know Him. Now, we are not dirt poor and already our life is so good, we have been blessed beyond measure in so many ways. The best thing I can devote my life to is my relationship with Christ and that is a worthy life because it will pour out into the people around me. 

In closing, yes I have a list of where I want to be in five years, a lot of them are goals like being in a new house, traveling...etc. And they are good goals, good things to accomplish, but what I need to make myself remember is what is most important is God and people. 

These three people are worth all I can give them! 

Dependent

As a mom I am regularly faced with fear about my children. For me it normally comes in the form of losing one of them or something happening to either Dan or I. This fear will attack at random times but also when I am going to be away from them for a period of time. All logic seems to be thrown out the window when my mind is attacked with this fear. 

Thankfully I am not alone and have a God who loves my boys more than I do and who is good. There are some areas of life where we feel we have some control over and there are other areas where we are brought to the realization that we don't have the control. This is one of those areas. I cannot promise or ensure the safety of my children. Now obviously I make decisions that promote their well being and not be stupid, but when it comes down to it our lives are in God's hands. 

Now even this realization doesn't make it easy to let go of the fear and even though I am writing this it still has a small hold on my heart. 1 Peter 5.7 says "Cast all your anxieties on him, for He cares for you". I can't imagine dealing with this fear without God, I would be a wreck because there would be no one to hold it for me. I can cast, get rid of, my fears to God and He wants to take them. He WANTS me to be dependent on Him, trust Him and be at peace. 

I read John Piper's devo app regularly and I opened it today hoping it would be something about fear and it was! It was different than I would have expected, but I think that was better. One thing that stood out to me was "God will gladly receive anything from us that shows our dependence and His all-sufficiency". 

I feel like this fear might be a regular theme in my life, I will always want to protect my kids from all hurt. But there is SOMEONE who wants to carry that burden for me, who holds the world in His hands and who loves us all very much. He is my Savior, my Rock, my Redeemer. And because of Jesus taking my sin on me I have that relationship with the God of the Universe and He makes all this possible. 

God is good, God is good, God is good. 

Tuesday Thoughts

Something I want to live by:

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

So... "Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone."

-Rachel Jankovic

What is something that was encouraging to you today?

Moments

It's moments like these that stop my heart and make me so thankful for how God has blessed us. There are moments that fill me with happiness; like this connection between a father and son. I love to see how much Aiden is loving it! I look forward to many more of these moments throughout the years. 

Fall Beauty and the Glory of the Creator

The heavens declare the glory of God,

and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.

Psalm 19.1

I really enjoy Fall, but sometimes I miss out on the beauty of it because I dread the cold. Not this year! The past few days I have been continually struck with how beautiful everything is. Seriously, I've been in awe! And it really cause me to glorify God in my heart and to see a glimpse of His beauty!

What have you been doing to enjoy this season?

The Second Child

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say stuff about the second child and how they don't get the same excitement as the first. I also think that most moms who hear that but don't have a second child think, "that won't be me, you'll see". Haha. Well, I must admit that I feel that already and I am only half way through. Although I was so anxious and excited to become pregnant, I think there are a couple of things that have played into that. First, I had some complications at the beginning where my doctor told me the pregnancy could go either way. As Dan and I worked through that and trusting what God's plan was I didn't allow myself the joys of dreaming of the new child. Add to that our crazy busy summer, it has just got pushed to the back of my mind. Trust me I never forgot I was pregnant, especially with how exhausted I was, but it wasn't top thing on my mind like the first was. I am halfway through my pregnancy now and we know we are having a boy, and my mind is growing with thoughts and dreams. I praise God entirely for giving us this child and for keeping him growing strong inside. He is being created and designed by God this very minute. How cool is that?! 

Anyway, as we await baby boy White I am excitedly planning the nursery and buying things to prepare for this new addition! One thing that I know is different from Aiden is that I cannot wait for pregnancy to be over, I already am too uncomfortable. lol. I am excited to hold that sweet thing in my arms and have him forever be apart of our lives. He will be one of a kind and I can't wait to see who that is!

Thanks for letting me share this with you and for taking the time to read it!

Time Flying By

Well, here we are quickly approaching birthday number 2 for my boy. I can't really believe it, it seems like yesterday he was learning to sit and was covered in baby chub which I just loved! Now sometimes he catches me so off guard with how old he is; he is talking like crazy and learning so much. He is funny and makes me laugh all the time. This toddler stage isn't always easy that's for sure, but he really is such a joy and I am so proud of how he's grown! 

I just love looking through old pictures of him and watching the changes, so I wanted to share!

The Start...

I have officially labeled this summer the busiest of our lives! It's crazy when we are home and we have many weeks that we will be away. I am excited for this week to be filled with fun and definitely a little relaxation! I think Aiden is all ready for this adventure and I have no doubt he will have so much fun with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and of course cousins!!!!

As you think of us this summer, pray for us...it will be a little bit of a whirlwind. :)

Trusting...

Trust. Real, unfailing, surrendered trust. This is not easy and yet it is huge in the walk of following Jesus. I have been learning and experiencing a lot of this lately. Trying to trust God in the areas of my life. It started out in one particular area then it has begun to grow, because if I can trust God in this area, why not another and another area?! As I read my Bible or listen to people talk it has come up a lot and I am so thankful for it and I believe God is using so many avenues to teach me. Here are some verses I keep going back to.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. 

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3.5-8 

How many times have we heard these verses? Many people probably have the first two memorized. Look at theses words "do not lean on your own understanding". WOW. I don't know about you but I definitely lean on my own understanding. If I can figure it out in my head and come up with a plan, my heart can have peace. And I will think & think & think until I have that plan. Now plans are not bad, but they should not be the source of my peace, and what if things do not go according to my plan...breakdown. lol. I also like "do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD", it carries the same idea. 

But let me tell you this is not easy at all. Even when I think I'm almost really trusting God, it can turn into "I trust you God to fulfill my plan, by faith." Haha, still not trusting totally. It needs to be "I trust you God to fulfill whatever YOUR plan is". And the result of that is joy and peace in a real way and I am thankful for the small tastes of that I have had. It's not about me being in control and we all like that power, but letting God be in control. Let me encourage you to take this journey of trust with me. Try taking a look into your life and heart; what areas do you hold the control and refuse to let go and trust? I would say it touches every single area of my life. I'm starting to see it and I want God to touch each area; to be able to trust Him from small things like my son sleeping well to big things like trusting Him with our lives. He is our perfect and loving Father who open His arms and will walk with us through this life!

Discipline Lessons

As a mom I have amazing days or moments when I see that Aiden seems to be retaining what I am teaching him. When he obeys the first time or does something on his own like putting a toy away in the right spot. And that is so very exciting to see!! But then there are also the moments where I am telling him the same thing over and over, and I feel like nothing is sinking in to that little head. That can become very frustrating to me and it's easy for me to burst out my discipline out of frustration or annoyance. Thinking to myself "Why do I have to tell him no again?" "Why can't he just get it?" It is very ineffective, and I just am left annoyed. But, I am learning that when I take the time to go where he is, get on his level and talk to him in a calm but firm voice I am in a much better place to discipline. It's no longer about the inconvenience of discipline and more about teaching Aiden and helping him grow. It's not always easy, but I think it will help both Aiden and myself!

What Jesus Did.

Since yesterday was Easter I wanted to share with you some of my favorite verses that I regularly read to meditate on the gospel and what it meant that Jesus died on the cross and rose again. The gospel changes everything for us if we choose to accept it. And it can change my everyday life if I let it. 

• Surely he has borne our grief and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. Isaiah 53:4-7

• For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

• But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:8-11

• But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:4-10

One of my favorite songs is Via Dolorosa by Leeland.